Ask your doctor if Mike is right for you!

Ask your doctor if Mike is right for you!

I will have to give this guy a little bit of credit, he has a sense of humor about it all…

This dating ad was recently posted on craigslist Delaware reads more like a cheesy pharmaceutical ad than a dating ad, but there is a ere of comedy to it.  The ad reads”

Have you been feeling run down, and bored?  Filled with the sense that the male population is made up of unemployed losers who can’t treat a woman right?  Did your last date take you to a monster truck show and consider it “high art”?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, now may be the time for Mike.  Mike is a revolutionary new man created for the best women in the Delaware area.  Mike has all of the following:”

 

And trust me, this is where the author really closes the deal…just look at the list of qualities (the 3rd one is my favorite)

–A steady, well paying job

–His own place

–A car without a $800 stereo

–A fully functioning brain

Mike is 34 years old and currently lives in Wilmington, Delaware.  Mike is not right for everyone.  You should stop seeing Mike immediately if you have a pre-existing condition known as “marriage”,  5 kids by 4 men, or dry mouth”

 

Hahaha.  Too funny.  Check out the ad below or Search all craigslist for more funny ads!

 

Source: reddit

Funniest Motorcycle Ad on Craigslist

Funniest Motorcycle Ad on Craigslist

I love it when someone posts an ad and then goes off on a hilarious tangent.  This ad from Austin TX Craigslist had me laughing from the first line.  The guy makes it perfectly clear he has little specific knowledge of the bike as he doesn’t even know the year; but those are formalities in his mind.  The art of the sale is in his perfect, humerus honesty.

I often say that creating a sense of trust is #1 in making a sale of higher value item.  Being honest about scratches, past repairs etc will not detract from the sale, if anything, they add to it.  This guy is so honest in his description, you feel like he your best friend by the end.  And of course, once you have created that kind of feeling, making the sale of the bike is much easier!

Source: Craigslist

The ad reads like this:

“Up for sale is a 1992, or possibly 1993 Honda Pacific Coast 800. I honestly never cared to know what year it was – this bike only gets better looking with age. What I do know is that every time I pass your girlfriend on this, she gives me the same look of arousal that can only be compared to the look my junior year homecoming date gave me after I shotgunned an unhealthy amount of Keystone Light in a Walmart parking lot.

First off, this sex machine was built to party. Don’t let the smooth curves fool you, she can easily fit two cases of beer (plus ice) in the trunk. If getting fucked up in public parks before noon isn’t your thing, you can “probably” fit about 14 pounds of weed in the trunk. Way more if you vacuum seal it. This is a total guess though. The trunk locks up tighter than your jealous girlfriend after noticing a text message from a female coworker you once called “cute”. I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU KOURTNEY. IT’S CALLED HAVING FRIENDS AND IS TOTALLY NORMAL. What I’m trying to say is that the trunk is awesome and will make everyone jealous. You could put a baby or some groceries in it if you needed. Plus if you “accidentally” drive through a river everything will stay dry, or so I’ve heard.

This bike was marketed to middle aged, middle class white guys (my dad LOVES this bike), so you rarely see them on the road. If socializing with my miserable coworkers has taught me anything, it’s that middle class white guys rarely do anything except work a thousand hours a week because “It’s up to us to keep society together, as the millennials today are lazy pieces of shit and do nothing but cause a drain on the economy, always whining for things like basic healthcare and salaries that will allow them to one day possibly move out of an apartment and into a glorified crackhouse”. Lucky for us, them working all of those hours means they don’t go outside with their motorcycles to fuck up traffic on I-35 any worse than it already is with their complete lack of self-awareness, because using common courtesy on the road would be way too much of an inconvenience. With that being said, this bike only has 19K miles, which is low as shit.

I bought this bike in March 2016 with the sole purpose of riding to the white trash mecca known as Daytona Beach, FL. I made the trip in May of that year, slept on picnic tables (not by choice), and somehow managed to not get pulled over despite ignoring 100% of the posted speed limits throughout the tri-state area. Before leaving on that magical journey, which was sponsored by those gold cans of 32oz Miller High Life and gas station taquitos, nearly every consumable on the bike had been replaced at 16K miles – oil and filter, brake pads, tires, battery, air filter, coolant, etc. I simplified the fuel system, modifying a few pieces that notoriously fail and leave you stranded, forcing you to give HJ’s to a trucker named Carl for a ride to the next town over (or maybe I’m just bad at negotiating). I installed an insanely bright LED headlight because the factory one is shit, and wired up a handful of pigtails to run a GPS or charger for your wife’s Hitachi magic wand. She says it’s for her back, but we both know it’s because you’re too scared to use any amount of creativity in the bedroom despite knowing she’s moments away from leaving you for your best friend. I figured I would encounter Paul Blart at some point, so I put in a set of hidden switches to cut out the headlight and tail light. Use at your own discretion, as my friend who is a divorce attorney said it could “possibly be illegal”. Whatever that means – I don’t trust lawyers and neither should you.

You may be asking yourself, “But why would you possibly want to sell such a luxurious machine”? I’ve just got too many damn bikes. I tried putting it in my apartment, but this big girl doesn’t climb stairs for shit, and it would just give my sketchy neighbors another reason to break in. She currently lives at my deceptively attractive old boss’s house (old as in previous, not as in chronologically advanced – these details matter), and I know she can only handle so much visual excitement outside of her kitchen window every morning. Plus I’ve got two other bikes there and need to stay in her good graces. It’s only a matter of time before I’ll have to sell a fucking kidney to pay storage fees, as occasional grass cutting isn’t nearly enough.

If you buy this bike, you’re basically taking over my position as the Christopher Columbus of PC800’s. Whatever you decide to do, I guarantee it hasn’t been done on these bikes before. Burnouts? Top speed runs? Google that shit, and you’ll be met with “Why would I possibly want to go over the speed limit” and “Burnouts are unsafe”. It’s like being the coolest kid in the Chess Club – it takes practically zero effort. I once rode this thing through the woods of Florida, and can promise you it’s never been done on these bikes before. You’re essentially writing the history books with this machine. From what I can remember, this bike has been ridden inside of at least two houses, one bar, and one gas station – so you’ll have to get way more creative than me. Use your imagination – I believe in you. If you’re the lucky man (or woman, I’m as progressive as everyone else) who buys this from me, and you send me a picture of yourself jumping the bike at least 8″ off the ground or somehow doing a wheelie (no passengers allowed), I’ll personally buy you a dinner for up to $100. Or we can just go to the strip club and blow it there. I’m down for both options.

I’m asking $3K for this piece of perfection. It’s got ultra-low mileage and is in surprisingly good shape for the age. There are some minor blemishes on the bike from the previous owner (that’s what they all say). I’ll toss in a bike cover, a manual, the shitty original headlight, a spare ICON helmet that I never wore (safety is for nerds), and whatever extra stuff I’ve got from the bike laying around. Do some research on these bikes – they’re the epitome of over engineering. Hydraulic lifters, hydraulic clutch, shaft drive, and a double insulated engine (this thing is stealth as fuck). If it was just a little bit faster, it would seriously be the best bike ever made. It’s even got hidden crash bars underneath the fairings… FROM THE FACTORY. They are basically EXPECTING you to go hard as fuck on this thing and wreck it on a baseball field or at your upcoming family reunion. The bike comes with two keys for when you get drunk and lose one, a perpetually half tank of fuel, a clear Louisiana title in my name.

Buy this bike, change your life.” (Source: Craigslist.org)

 

What can I say, I love the wording and sense of humor in this ad.  The poster can easily sell it to the average guy who completely relates to the ad.  I sure hope this guy is looking for a job in comedy writing, because if so, this little masterpiece work as his resume.

Would you buy this bike?

 

The most dissapointing post on Craigslist

The most dissapointing post on Craigslist

For a brief moment, I thought that all of my dreams and wishes would come true; all thanks to one Craigslist ad.  One simple object could make me so happy and give me rishes beyond belief.  A magic Lamp with a genie!  It looks legit; after all the lamp appears to be of high quality brass, or probably GOLD given how magical it is.  I couldn’t believe someone would be willing to part with it for only $5.  Then I though, their first wish was probably for endless wealth, so any money from this sale was useless.

The author claims that he had made only 2 or the 3 wishes, that means one more wish to be granted….

Then I read the ad further,

Source: reddit

Awwwww man!  Who on earth wishes for the genie’s death!?  Now all that is left is a useless lamp.  So dissapointing!

Selling someone else’s car on Craigslist

Selling someone else’s car on Craigslist

Alright, we all know that craigslist can have some questionable, and scammy postings placed on it.  There are also many many legitimate posts; in fact as we indicated on the homepage, there are approximately 80 million ads posted to Craigslist each month. Approximately 1 million of those are job ads.  Of those 80 million ads, a large number are re-listings and another large percent are spam unfortunately, so the real number of actual new ads each month is somewhat unknown. Either way the sheer number of ads is simply astounding!

But, if a very small percent are fraudulent, there would still be thousands of ads that are going to get flagged.  This one is no exception.  This craigslist ad appears in Craigslist LA and I am thinking that it probably will not last too long.   Simply put, the ad author (and I use the word “author” lightly) is clearly selling someone else’s car!

 

Take a look at the ad below:

Source: Craigslist

The ad reads:

“Here folks is a very rare convertible. It has been abandoned inside a dark secret parking structure at Warner Brothers Studios. This would be a perfect car for a collector or a movie car warehouse. The unreasonable owner wants $3800 for it, but in reality it has been sitting about seven years, so I think $1500 would be more reasonable. It does run and drive, and a new transmission was installed. We know it is a four cylinder engine, but information is sketchy and pictures scarce, due to the unwillingness of the owner to provide basic information online. I have this person’s contact, so I can refer you to him if you are seriously interested in the car. Also, join the Chrysler K-Car Club and help us save another K-car at www.chryslerkcar.com. Mileage, who knows? Whether the owner is willing to let someone check the car out in person first is debatable, but you can try. I think if this owner is reasonable, and once he has calmed down. he may realize the Chrysler K-Car Club is a legitimate organization with no money merely trying to save K-cars from the crusher. Don’t let this car rot in the parking garage any longer.”

 

So just because a car has been left in storage in a parkade at Warner Brothers Studios doesn’t mean it is a free for all to sell.  It does sound like the author has talked to the owner of the car and received some basic information, including a unreasonable price of $3800.  The rest of the ad reads more like a “save-the-whale” speech trying to save these Chrysler K-Cars from the recycling plant.

So in the end I’m not sure what the true intension of this ad is: an ad for his Chrysler K-Car club, a save this car ad, of a scam to sell someone else’s car….you decide.

Take “The Talk” to the next level

Take “The Talk” to the next level

Its amazing what services people are willing to offer on craigslist; just when you thought you have seen it all, someone else has found a way to turn nothing into something.  Take this fine gentleman’s post on craigslist…

Just when you thought having “the talk” with your daughter was hard enough, and embarrassing for your child, this guy has found a way to double the discomfort.  Now true enough, there are not many well paying gigs out there for an aging male nudist, but I just don’t think that his email inbox is going to be flooded with requests.

Check out this ad:

source: i.redd.it

Yup, you read it right.  This guy is willing to be an educational model for your sweet daughter to learn the mysteries of the human male form.    He is not looking for anything sexual, just the pleasure of educating your daughter toward womanhood.  The puns I could throw in here are endless, but I will let you come up with your own.

 

Father’s Day BBQ

Father’s Day BBQ

It looks like this group of guys are missing their dad on Father’s Day.  I’m sure there is a great backstory here, but the fact is, this post is both funny and sincere.  A group of guys are having a backyard BBQ on Saturday and must be missing their dads this coming Father’s Day (June 18th) and want a “stand in” father to treat them like champ.   Although they ask for a “Generic Father Figure”, the criteria is rather tough:

  • You must have at least 18 years of Father experience
  • you Must have 10 years of grilling experience
  • must refer to the guys as “big guy, chief, sport or champ”
  • Must enjoy a cold beer with the “sons”

If your up for it, this job could be the one for you!

See the ad:

Source: i.redd.it